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5 Websites To Help You Survive The Zombie Apocalypse (NSFW)

With the recent story of the naked dude eating the homeless dude’s face off in Miami (apparently he was all jacked up on PCP and Bath Salts… Sorry for partyin, right?!), it has become apparent that the Zombie Apocalypse could very well be right around the corner. I know what you’re thinking “Shawn, the guy was crazy on drugs, not a Zombie!” Well did I also mention police had to shoot this crazy mother fucker 5 times in the chest and then finally once in the head to kill him?! Guess who else you need to shoot in the head to kill? ZOMBIES, MOTHER FUCKER! I don’t care how high you are, drugs don’t make you do this shit:

 

 

Now, if that shit doesn’t scare you into getting prepared for some hard-core Zombie shit stomping, I don’t know what will.  To help save your ass when it all goes down I have listed 5 very useful websites that should be in your web arsenal for Z Day.

 

Zombie Tools Facebook

1. ZOMBIE TOOLS

These guys understand that normal weapons like shotguns and lazers can fail.  The last thing you want is to be face to face with a brain eater and have your rifle jam leaving you to become face food for some cracked out fuckhead. There is a certain security in simplicity, and Zombie Tools know that.  They manufacture some of the strongest, most reliable blades strictly for Z Day. Not to mention they are stylish as shit, and can actually be used in a real life Zombie attack situation.  Also, these are Montana boys, so you know they aint messing around. Check out this crazy mother fucker cutting a bunch of these fuckin cans all to fuck.

 

2. MAP OF THE DEAD

When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, it will spread like a virus, and many people just simply won’t be ready.  Where do you go for food, water, ammo, medical supplies, porn, or BEER?!  Well with “Map Of The Dead” on hand, it lines out exactly where you need to go for everything you need to survive.  It’s a handy website that works with google maps to pinpoint the places the closest places you need the most.  Learn more about it HERE

 

www.zombiesarecoming.com

3. ZOMBIES ARE COMING!

A very useful website for all things “Zombie”. It not only shows you what to do to prepare for Z Day, but if you are like me and procrastinate preparing because you aren’t allowed into the hardware store after the “incident’, it has many helpful tips and links to help you out when you are already in the middle of the shit. It has everything from preserving vegetables to your Zombie gear and myths surrounding Zombies.

 

4. U.S ARMY SURVIVAL MANUAL: EQUIPPED TO SURVIVE

You might not trust the U.S Government with your money, future, or choice to hump somebody of the same sex, but you better sure as hell trust them when it comes to our Military Tactics. (back to back World War champions, bitch!) As a hobby, I’ve studied various Military survival manuals on different areas of the world. Our troops have survived the roughest of the rough, and this website provides a large list of general instructions for different survival scenarios.  In any survival situation you need this manual. Wether it’s a nuclear fallout or Zombie Apocalypse. Download each PDF section, put it in a waterproof ziplock bag, and tuck it away safely by your guns and booze.

 

5. REBUILDING CIVILIZATION 

After it’s all said and done, and the last Zombie has been stabbed in his/her dead fucking face, you will need to rebuild. It won’t be easy, but this website should help. Did you know that you should search fault lines or mountain ranges to find Obsidian stone to make tools and weapons? Fuck no you didn’t! This website has all that handy shit! Like how eating charcoal can save your life if you have ingested poison, or the most effective way to make your drinking water safe.  Don’t for one minute think that the living won’t prevail on Z day, but there will be death. There will be destruction, and somebody is going to need to know how to make beer. When you have killed your last Zombie, consult this site for the future of humanity.

3 Comments

  • Of course, secriung weapons, transportion, food, water and fuel would be essential. Beyond that, I’d go north and stay away from major population centers. Winter is coming and zombies don’t seem bright enough to figure how to survive frigid weather in the country side. They’d die out faster in the cold, so it would be safer up north.

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